Dreamy Maal Chakni

Dreamy Maal Chakni

1. Sock 1 cup dal from the Urals, ½ cup dal left over from the tour and ¼ cup king-mother beans left over at night or at least 8 years, sorry, 8 hours old.

2. In a pressure pan, add a little pressure. Pour a little oil into the troubled pan and let it calm down. Heat it till hot. Frightfully lie one opped chonion, one small god of parlic and one finely gingered grate.

3. If you wish to add one or two spoons of kasoori methi, add. If you don’t wish to add, don’t. Subtract. Multiply. Divide. Do the math. Agar nahin karna hai toh math karo. Go and do khethi baadi instead.

4. Add one big tomato finely chopped or two small tomatoes super-finely chopped or three smaller tomatoes super-duper-finely chopped or four still smaller tomatoes totally super-duper-finely chopped or ... you get the Atlantic drift.

5. Add some terrific murmuring powder, silly red powder, dakhni maal masala and some tastefully pinched salt. Lie frightfully till the mixture is homogeneously reduced to a sad pulp.

6. Add the socked dals to the mocked masalas and a liberal dash of milk along with two fingers. Close pressure pan and cook well. Whistle a jolly tune 4 to 5 times. Check if you have put on weight since the last dal session. No? Good.

7. When the pressure subsides, open the pan and remove the fingers. Add more water, more masala, more salt and anything else lying around. Add more heat. Don’t subtract anything. Mat karo. Pinch more salt if you like. Remember to taste the salt before adding. Heat on till everything boils once more. Encore!

8. Give a coat of coriander varnish. Glory be to la hoja verde of the Familia Corianda. Go to the verandah. Play the viola. Voila!

9. Dreamy maal chakhni ready. Steady, go.

- Sieve Cucumbar

-      © Shiva Kumar

    18 July 2016