Bongo Trumpet

                                 THE BONGO TRUMPET

KOLKATA’S PHEVRIT TRANSAMERICAN NOOSEPEPPER

KOLKOTER PRIYA TRANSAMERICA PHANSAMARICA

To-day’s news delivered yesterday.

Read to-day and tear tomorrow : Aaj padho aur kolkoter karo

Published every now and then from the laptop. Ed: Sudden Shiv

Weakened edition: Soon-day, Sechszehn fur Siebzehn Joolai

One single page

CITY  ON  HIGH  ALERT !!! Plans for secret meeting unearthed by your phevrit noosepepper before any unearth happens. Read on! ACHTUNG!  ACHTUNG!  ACHTUNG! CAUTION NOTICE TO ALL KOLKATANS -          Filed by your correspondent from an undisclosed location in Sharif Town, Omar Kolkata, on Sola Joolai -            Your phevrit noosepepper has learnt from reliable but anonymous sources (your correspondent forgot to ask their names, but has promised a quick update within a week) that a group of unfettered lunatics are planning a secret rendezvous at, hold your breath, the ordnance factory! They are planning to have a blast there! (You may breathe now.) These as-yet unseen insanes are said to very closely resemble humans but prone to unpredictable behaviour. They have named themselves after a fruit of the genus prunus.  Without easting or wasting any time, your correspondent very generously shared a scoop of this three-scoop news and alerted the alert authorities. They immediately deputed the keeper of the simian enclosure who swung into action to track down and deal with these ufos. Meanwhile, the ordnance factory has been kept closed to-day. All weapons including brooms, sticks, coconut shells, papayas, etc., are safely stored in a wire cage, secured with foolproof pyjama naada. Your phevrit noosepepper has been tasked with the responsibility of issuing dire threats, sorry, urgent summons, sorry, saavdhaan notice to all citizens to be on the alert.

IMPORTANT WHATTUDU TIPS      1.    If you see any unidentified object or baggage at the railway station or the airport, do not pick it up. If you do, you will be responsible for paying the baggage charges. If you see any identified object or baggage, don’t touch it. The owner may not like it.      2.    If you see a copper without a helmet, beware. Our fruity friends are known to have a fondness for coppers’ helmets and may be lurking around the corner. They may be lurkas or lurkies, we don’t know yet.       3.      Our Prunus manus are said to communicate by throwing bread crumbs at each other. If you see bread crumbs strewn in your path, go around them. However, if you find bread crumbs coated with jam, then it is a new thing and needs to be investigated. Call us and we’ll see what we can do about it.       4.      Stay away from the ordnance factory. Don’t even think of having a blast anywhere near it.       5.      Watch out for flying fruits. If you are caught plum in front, turn around and run for it.       6.      That’s all for now. More soon. Stay at home to stay safe. Don’t exit. (Note from Ed: There will be no issue of your phevrit noosepepper until further notice as your correspondent has gone into hiding and the editor fears for his wellbeing. Soo you seen.)