Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Telegram R.I.P.

TELEGRAM R.I.P.

DEEPLY REGRET INFORM TELEGRAM DEAD STOP ONE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE YEARS STOP LAST FEW YEARS WASTING AWAY SLOWLY DETERIORATING FINANCIAL HEALTH STOP GREAT SERVICE DURING WORLD WARS INDIA INDEPENDENCE MOVEMENT INDIA CHINA PAK WARS STOP TELEGRAM WORKED BY SMALL BRASS KNOB STRIKING BRASS PLATE WITH ELECTRIC CONNECTION MAKING SEQUENCE OF DOT DASH SOUNDING DIT DAH FOR ALPHABETS STOP STARTED BY ONE GENT WHO NAMED HIMSELF AFTER CODE CALLED MORSE STOP PROBABLY NOT INTERESTED READ WRITE SO CAME UP THIS DOTTED DASHED METHOD STOP MAKE SOUND DIT DIT DIT DAH DAH DAH IT MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE STOP THEY MAKE MESSAGE OUT OF IT STOP VERY CONFUSING FOR OTHERS STOP THEY MAKE TOTALLY DIFFERENT MESSAGE STOP BUT VERY POPULAR WITH CLASSES AND MASSES TO MAKE ASSES OUT OF MONKEYS STOP
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NEWS REPORTERS REPORTED BY TELEGRAPH STOP DEPENDING UPON RECEIVING PERSON’S KNOWLEDGE OF DOT DASH THEY MAKE GOOD STORIES OR NOT GOOD STORIES STOP SOMETIMES PERSON RECEIVING MESSAGE HAVING NO KNOWLEDGE SO THAT TIME THEY MAKE STOP PRESS STOP ALL DUE TO THIS MORSE CODE CHAPPIE STOP
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ALL KINDS PEOPLE LIKED SEND TELEGRAM STOP RENOWNED HUMOURIST PG WODEHOUSE CHARACTERS IN HIS STORIES SENT TELEGRAMS AT DROP OF HAT STACCATO MESSAGES GOOD LAUGHS INTERESTING COMIC WAY TO TELL STORY STOP ACTOR PETER SELLERS SENT TELEGRAM FROM HIS STUDY TO HIS WIFE IN KITCHEN TO SEND COFFEE STOP WIFE MUST HAVE DROPPED IN SURPRISE STOP
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OLD INDIANS REMEMBER TELEGRAM FONDLY STOP EVERY FAMILY HAD OWN CODE CONVEYING SPECIAL MEANING TO FAMILY MEMBERS STOP GIBBERISH TO NON-MEMBERS STOP I REMEMBER PASSING SCHOOL EXAM AND GETTING TELEGRAM FROM FATHER'S FRIEND CONGRATULATING ME ON SUCCESS IN ELECTIONS STOP PROUDLY PRESERVED THIS MANY YEARS STOP TELEGRAMS USED FOR ANNOUNCING BIRTHS DEATHS EXAM ELECTION RESULTS JOURNEY PLANS STOP SOMETIMES TELEGRAM REACH AFTER PERSON REACH STOP NO ONE TO MEET AT STATION PASSENGER STUMPED AS NOT KNOWING LOCAL LANGUAGE OR WAY FROM STATION STOP SOMETIMES TELEGRAM KILL LIVE PERSON STOP CAUSE ANGUISH CONSTERNATION MAYBE DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN RELATIVES RUSH TO SEE PERSON LIVE AND REALISE TELEGRAM FOOLED THEM STOP TELEGRAM THUS HELP UNMASK FAKE PEOPLE STOP
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STORY GOES IN 1897 AUTHOR OSCAR WILDE SENT TELEGRAM TO PUBLISHER ONE QUESTION MARK TO WHICH REPLY TELEGRAM FROM PUBLISHER ONE EXCLAMATION MARK MEANING AUTHOR QUERIED PUBLISHER ABOUT NEW BOOK LAUNCH RESPONSE AND PUBLISHER REPLIED GOOD RESPONSE STOP MUST BE SHORTEST TELEGRAMS STOP INNOVATIVE USE STOP
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NOW UNFORTUNATE WE USE SMS MMS ALL SORTS OF SSS TO SEND INSTANT MESSAGES STOP DRY ELECTRONIC STUFF EMOTIONS NOT CONVEYED NO MUCH FUN STOP SORRY TO SEE TELEGRAM GO STOP
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NAMASKARA GOODBYE ALVIDA SHABBA KHAIR R.I.P. TELEGRAM STOP
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END OF MESSAGE