Bye-laws and in-laws
The meeting was called in a hurry. The President could sense
that something was brewing when he entered the meeting hall and smelt the
coffee. The committee members were happily lounging around enjoying
their kaapi-in-tumbler-dabara,
"Daay" he said, catching the eye of the
watchman-cum-coffee-maker, "get me a degree coffee quickly."
The humble underling fell to his task with alacrity.
With the brew inside him, the President felt better, bitter and
stronger. He rolled up his sleeves and prepared to 'go into battle', as he
liked to term it. He was ready to bat for himself and batter anybody who dared
cross his path.
He walked up to the lectern and, in a stentorian voice, called
the meeting to order.
"Order, order! This sudden, unexpected and most
extraordinary meeting of the Managing Committee is hereby called to order and I
am still the President, so there!"
"Hear, hear!" piped in some of the meeker members,
thumping their tables.
The President banged a paperweight hard seven times on the
lectern-top to quieten the meek.
"Here, here, you, pipe down and don't make unnecessary
noises. Pay attention.
Before we proceed further, I would like to serve you all
some kai murukkus which are hand twisted rice crunchies
or chaklis. The main ingredient is rice, so you may like to call it
'rice twist'!"
"Nice twist" one member was heard commenting, which
brought a frown to the President's face.
"Okay, okay, enough of twists. I would now like to make
some ground rules for us to follow in this meeting", started the
President, ticking off the ground rules on the fingers of his left hand.
"One. Please do not use sensitive words like 'bye', 'son',
'law' and 'resign'. Help make our deliberations smooth. I agree we are in a
spot of bother but this meeting will fix all that.
By the way, I should caution you to be wary of using certain
tricky words which can confuse, words like bye-laws, in-laws, etc. Don't mix
them up. Please remember, bye-laws are those useless and unwanted rules to
which we say farewell and in-laws are those rules which we abide by.
Two. There will be no fighting, no arguing, no conflict. I have
no interest in any conflict here. All of us will agree on everything I say or
else...
Three. I wanted to be President since I was a little boy and,
now that I am one, I want to remain one. So please kindly endorse this, or
else..."
One hand shot up from one of the back rows. "But there is a
dent on your name, Mr. President", said a member in a small, barely
audible voice.
The President glared at him for about a minute while everyone
watched silently. After this one-minute silence, he spoke.
"Okay, I admit, maybe there is a tiny dent on my fair name. I
shall remove this dent. From this moment onwards, I shall be known as
Prez. No dent. I take it that everyone agrees wholeheartedly. It shall be duly noted so in
the minutes."
An elderly member, who had just finished the last bit of his
hand-twisted kai murukku, spoke up in a feeble voice.
"But I say, this is hand twisting, er, I mean, arm
twisting", he stood up and managed to mumble. The Prez glared at him with
both eyes till he subsided into his seat once again.
The Prez's mobile began to ring and he excused himself politely.
The nearest member rushed to the dais and tried to help him to step down so he
could take the call away from the microphone, but the Prez brushed him off
saying that there was no need to step down, it was enough to step aside.
The call was very short, with the Prez uttering just three
words, "don't", "you" and "dare". Whoever it was
at the other end obviously did not dare to continue the call. The Prez came back to the lectern.
"If that is all, I would like to end this meeting by
thanking all of you for your kind words of wisdom, support and courage. Your
sage advice will guide me in these times of difficulty. Thank you, good night
and good bliss. Oh, and there is a packet of kai murukkus for
each of you. I hope you will think of me whenever you bite into one."
The meeting ended with a chorus of approval for the kai
murukkus.
Brilliant!! I must confess, I couldn't help but add another pun, thusly:
ReplyDelete"The Prez's mobile began to ring and he excused himself politely. The nearest member rushed to the dais - who were the Prez's bodyguards, named because this is how he always referred to them - and, shouldering them aside, tried to help him (the Prez, not the dais) to step down...
:D Approve?
Good one! Should send it to certain people who are not in control of a certain gentleman's game! So it was not tata bye-bye for the Prez! Bye-the-bye, the telephone call must have been from the press, who are going to unprece-dented lengths to get him to say that his dais days are over, he should get over his dazr and step down from the dais! You may chakill, that's what chakkilis are for! Bye bye for now!
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