A Leopard Spotted!

ExcluShiv!

On-the-spot report from your correspondent

A LEOPARD SPOTTED!

Zen galore, Tuwell Farawary

The denizens living in and around the zen village in the outskirts of our good old bean town have learnt a new pastime – that of spotting names, places, animals and things, especially animals, mainly leopards.

The whole locality was in a tizzy on account of the frantic traffic situation and the denizens have taken to spotting leopards to while away their time spent waiting for the roads to clear. The area faces terrible road snarls all the time and the collective roar of the automobile engines is so loud that one can’t hear the snarls of leopards and other animals roaming around on the outskirts of the outskirts.

Though why they should undertake such an unnecessary exercise, a fizool samay ki barbaadi, is beyond this correspondent’s understanding. Why go and spot something which is already spotted? Your correspondent put this question to one senior citizen trying to read a newspaper by holding it upside down and got the response, “Your question is spot on”.

This particular spotting of the stray leopard took place just a few days ago. The poor thing must have had an argument at home and run away from there, only to lose its way and end up right in the middle of a whole lot people sitting quietly in their cars trying to look busy. And before it could utter “mamma mia”, the idling gentry had spotted it!

The spotted leopard escaped from the traffic jam and ran into the compound of a school nearby. Finding a convenient swimming pool there, it promptly jumped into it and tried to shake off the newly acquired spots. Not succeeding, it jumped back out and looked around for alternative therapies.

A conscientious warden, employed by the department of natural justice to ward off wildlife which did not have valid IDs or donor passes, wandered into the same school and, looking through his binoculars, suddenly saw spots in front of his eyes. The Spotted One spotted him at the same time and attempted to charge him. Of course, he refused to pay, citing his inability to pay any additional charge on account of his meagre pay scale. After a few moments of confrontation during which nothing happened, the warden stepped smartly back into the pool and wet his pants on account of the water level being waist high. What a waste of starch and ironing! The leopard turned around and parked itself in a classroom and was seen gazing at the mathematical formulae written on the blackboard with a quizzical expression on its face.

The citizens quickly formed a four-man team consisting of a temporarily unemployed spot boy, a pizza delivery boy, a dance teacher and a brake inspector to negotiate with the leopard and convince it to go back.

The authorities were alerted and soon landed up at the spot, bringing with them two huge cages which they set up in two strategic spots. Some twenty three spectating bystanders, spotting a golden opportunity, promptly entered the cages and closed the doors after them.  They had to be coaxed out gently.

The negotiators then approached the leopard and asked him to quietly leave or else. The leopard was unmoved by this threat and refused to budge from his spot. After quickly conferring among themselves out of the earshot of the leopard, the team came up with an offer of a free pizza with three different toppings, free dance classes for three months, two paid pedicures at a five star salon and a prime spot on the front page of the town’s leading weekly.

It was an offer the leopard couldn’t refuse. With tears in its eyes, it went down on bended knees to thank them, whereupon an intrepid veterinarian who was hovering nearby with an injection in his hand promptly injected a tranquilising dose into its body.

The tranquilised leopard was carried off by the authorities who promised to release it without pressing any charges, which, in any case would not have been paid.