CAPTAIN KIRK GETS BACK TO EARTH
As the space capsule passes over Delhi, India, a Hindi speaking Indian-origin member of the staff at the Earth Mission Control takes the com.
Captain Kirk had learnt a smattering of Hindi for one of the Star Trek episodes that could not get made on account of budget issues. He had, in fact, planned a short dialogue in Hindi with Spock but Spock spoke no Hindi. Kirk loved watching Hindi films and listening to old Hindi film songs. Now, Mission Control thought they'd give him a surprise by speaking to him in Hindi.
Mission Control: Earth to Capt. Kirk. Namaste, Kirkji! Kya khabar, sab theek thaak hai?
Capt. Kirk: Kirk to Earth. Ohohohoho! Namaas Tay! Sab tick tock, dhanbad! Everything's going like clockwork!
E: Dhandad nahi, dhanyavaad! Thank you. Achcha, bolo, upar se aapko Bharat kaisa dikhta hai?
Captain Kirk: Window say dekka. Kooch nahi deekta hay. Sab dua hee dua hay. Too much smoke hay.
E: Woh dhuan nahin, baadal hay, I mean, hai. Yahan baarish ka mausam hai. South West, North East, aisa kuch kuch hota hai. Yahan sab gharon mein subah subah chai ka paani ubaal rahe hain. Uske wajah se bhi ho sakta hai. Ya koi savere ka dhundh hoga.
K (breaking into old Hindi song): Doond? Sansar ki har shay ka itna hee fasaana hay, ek doond se aana hay, ek doond mein jaana hay. Larala lalala lala, lara lala lara lala, hmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
E (as the capsule begins to move out of range of India): Achcha, theek hai, theek hai, ab Angrezi mein bolo, Hindi bandh karo, whole Earth ke log sun rahe hain. Hindi mein bologe toh sabko iska arth maloom nahin hoga.
CK: Theek hai, arth samajh gaya. OK, Earth, understood.
E: (switching over to official sounding voice): Earth to Kirk. Well done, Captain. We are proud of you.
K: Still learning, Earth. These Hindi songs are like vitamins.
E: I meant your space trip, not your Hindi songs. And that reminds me. Have you taken your 90+ vitamin capsule?
K: Yes, I have, Earth. With 90 ml of pure water. You know, I felt like singing “Koi cheese milane ko jee chahata hay”. The capsule is still floating around in my stomach. I have a gut feeling that it will take a while to dissolve.
E: Understood. You may now initiate capsule descent procedure. The space capsule, not the vitamin capsule.
K: Copy that. Thanks for clarifying. Initiating space capsule descent procedure. Happy I was able to "boldly go where no 90-year old man has gone before". Signing off now. In other words, Kirk out, but coming back in. "May aa raha hooooooo!"
~ © Shiva Kumar
17 Oct 2021
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